I have to express my feelings

My love is not here. He left this morning for Florida. He won't be back until late Thursday night.
I feel so empty without him. I am just so sad.
I have spent the whole day crying. Also, I cried all day yesterday. I just miss him so much. But at the same time I am happy for him that he is able to have a break.
I have to come up with some stuff to do this week because I have been so lonely today without him.
Now that it is evening, it is getting worse. I just miss him.

The up's and down's of an 18 month old!

Today I had a dentist appointment for Joseph and Jonathon. Just a normal cleaning but I had to take Matthew along with me. All week long I had been dreading this day just because my 18 month old baby boy has turned into the terrible 2 child!!!
So, I am standing there, guarding the door to block Matthew from getting his own personal cleaning at the dentist's and a women sitting in the waiting room starts disiplining my 18 month old child as if I am not capable of doing so! I was in a rage inside and just prayed my way out of saying something I would regret and just smiled instead. I mean...COME ON! He is 18 months old and he don't quite get what you are saying when you say...."Shhhhh you are being too loud!" And saying to me "Sometimes they listen better to someone other than there mother" Grrrr

Ok, so my child was not screaming in a fit or anything distrubing. He was just happy! Jumping and singing and talking. Just loud...LOL :) It was kinda cute thinking back on it. Some people just do not know how to let it be.

Now another short one with Matthew.
Today we missed our daily "Sesame Street" but I recorded it through Dish Network. So Matthew wakes up from his nap and starts talking to the tv and says "LLLMOO" "MAMA...LLMO" Ohhhh it was so cute! Then I turn it on for him and he says " MAMA...BABA...LLLMO!!!" Then he sees Elmo and says with such happiness "LLLLMMMOOO" I think he is in love with Elmo!

I have been tagged!

I was tagged by Aimee to play. The game is called Scattergories. Use the first letter of your name and find words with that letter. The number of letters in your name determines how many people you can tag.

What is your name? Jackie

4 letter word: June

Vehicle: Jaguar

City: Jacksonville, Florida

Boy's name: Joshua

Girl's name: Jessica

Movie: Juno

Occupation: Jailer

Something you wear: Jogging Shoes

Celebrity: Jackie Robinson

Food: Juice

Something found in a kitchen: Juicer

Something found in a bathroom: Junky plunger LOL

Reason for being late: Jury Duty LOL

Cartoon character: Jem

Something you shout: Jerk!!!

Animal: Jumping Kangaroos LOL

Body part: Joint
Word to describe you: Joking!

I am tagging Tim

What a night

Tonight was going as planned until around 6pm, Matthew got sick. He has been doing this often. He will get sick a few times and then all is good for about a week or so. Then he gets sick again.
God showed me something tonight through this. The devil is not wanting me to do good...he wants me to fail and not do as God wants me to. God tells me in His word that I need to stay faithful to Him and trust Him through ALL things and so I shall trust Him through this chapter in my life with Matthew. I am making him an appt. with a doctor tomorrow to see if we can determine if this is acid reflux. My prayers are that God is in control and that even though I do not understand, He does.

Isn't it amazing how God shows you His will? I just love it! Something as simple as opening up the Word and just browsing, then BAM! I know what He is expecting from me!

A Life Changing Year

God sure has alot in store for me and my family this year. Without going into the juicy details that most would love for me to share, I will just say that you will be meeting a new Jackie Grim very soon. I am very excited but scared at the same time. God is changing what is bad in my life and adding the good into my life.
For 28 years I have struggled with who I am. What 28 year old do you know that does not even know how they like there steak cooked? Or what is there real favorite color? Or (to go deeper) what is god's purpose for them? I know, some 50 year olds still don't know what is God's purpose for them. But, I refuse to wait that long.
I am opening myself up to renewed friendship and moving forward. I want to be the outgoing person who just won't shut up! I want people to tell me to shut up! LOL (Kevin does, so I think he would beg to differ)
But to get back to what my title of this thread is.....
God spoke to me and told me this would be a year of change. At first I was thinking, ok...yeah I need to quit smoking...then ...hmmm.. maybe homeschool. Without Kevin on board to that, it is a no way buddy! Then, I started to wait on God. (I know 2008 is only 16 days young) But, he is already showing me what needs to be changed and has given me such promise for tomorrow. I am so thankful for the first time in my life for friendship. It is a blessing that God gives you...even if it comes up to you without you knowing it! :) God is so great huh? I just cannot wait (even though.....yup I am scared) for the new Jackie Grim to shine through!

A new light!

Ya know, so many times I allow other people to change who I am. I allow them to make me into a person whom I do not like. Jealous, yes I can be. Rude, yup...been there.
We all fall short right? We all are sinners saved by God's amazing grace! So that means what? To me, it means that we all make mistakes. But what else? We all need to forgive each other without even the other person asking for forgiveness! That is key! When someone does harm to you, why must you take that and make more of it? Do you understand? We always want to make more of what we have. That includes a bad situation. Someone is upset with someone else, so what do we do? Try to fix it! Why???? That is not your situation, that is there's.
Ok, did anything I just wrote make any sense? I hope so. Basically all I was trying to say is that you need to pay attention to what matters most, your family, yourself and most of all, you love for the great and almighty God! God matters, nothing else! Who cares if someone doesn't like you, so what! lol

Also, here is my myspace account link for anyone who is out there!
http://www.myspace.com/jackielynn1979

Have a great week!
Jackie :)

Another post

I really am clueless when it comes to naming these posts!

Life has been really going well lately. Financially speaking, very well. God has overly blessed us with more than enough! I feel so happy! It seems like for the first time in 7 years, we can afford to bless our children with a Christmas that is totally from our own means. I am very excited!

Just an update on my quitting smoking...
I gave up for a while. I just stopped trying. I think I was just thinking that I would never quit anyways and I am really scared. But, I am not giving up anymore. I am logging my cigarettes and so far, I am only smoking 19 a day. Much less than I thought! So that is very good. I am planning on smoking one less each day. Even if I stay at smoking a certain amount each day, lets say like 5 a day, for a time period I would be very proud of myself. To me, quitting is a process in my mind. I need to get over the feeling of needing one. I find myself running to them to often, I need to run to the Lord first!

I do have a request for prayer for any of you other bloggers out there. I have been having a hard time with my eyes. They are not opening right. Very sensitive to light and worse in the morning when I first wake up. They are much better in the evening and when I am indoors. This does make a problem when I am trying to get 2 kids ready in the morning for school and I cannot even open my eyes enough to see. It is like the feeling you get when you are in the dark for a long time then all of a sudden the bright lights are turned on.

Thank you :)