Saturday, June 14, 2008

My side

Since I have departed from my old church, I have been in a search and find mode for a new church that can better fit me and my family. I would be lying if I said that we have been searching and searching.........we have not. We have attended 2 churches in the past 2 months. At first I was feeling quite guilty. Being brought up in a church and family that if you are not attending church, you are sinning and "backsliding". TOTALLY WRONG!

Our absence at our old church brings out sadness within me. I miss seeing everyone, I miss being apart of something that I know is God's work, and I miss the fellowship with people I know.

It has also brought out something that I have been pondering for a while. My upbringing in the church. My oldest sister has been telling me for years that the type of church I was attending was not hitting it on the button when it came to Jesus and the way we live with Jesus. I just could not see it for a long time. I was being blind.
So, here is what I have found. My opinions........

Everyone in this world has some type of selfishness in them. From my experience just at my old church, there was (looking back) alot of selfishness within the church as a whole. Even within me, when prompted me to leave.

It upsets me to see what was a thriving church turn into a pit hole. In a way, I am upset with God for allowing something that was so dear and loved by many, turn into nothing.

When I joined this church, I was only "saved" for 3 months then asked if I would run the nursery. Then asked to run VBS.
When I went to step down from these positions the pastor played ,what I look back as....mind games. I won't get into details.....It hurts to much.

If we as Christians are wondering why people are not going to church but yet love Jesus.....this is why. Too much crap is going on INSIDE the church and nothing is happening OUTSIDE of the church.

Remember these:
"Actions speak louder than words"
"We live by example"

Now, my husband has been questioning the very thought of attending church again.

It took me...hmmm.....8 years to get my husband to attend a church... 8 YEARS! He did not want to attend because of the politics that play out within them. But, he went. We attended for close to 4 years. And then politics got so bad that he could not even stand to walk within the doors anymore.
8 YEARS!!!!!!!! Now he is doesn't want to give another church a chance because of this. He still loves God. A good thing....I love God still too! But, the ignorance of some people, just


I am sure this is upsetting for some to read.....this is my opinion remember, my thoughts......MY BLOG!

I am fed up with hiding my feelings. My feelings are something that makes me....ME!

After leaving my old church, I have felt so confused on how to live a Christ centered life. How to live outside the world but yet in it.......
Unless God does something amazing and soon......I think I might just turn catholic.......seems like less chaos!